Everyday since his heart attack has been a new day for us. He is a different person and I think I am because of it. I have had to deal with a lot of anger issues. I was mad that this happened and we had to make so many changes. Changes that are good and great for us but I guess I didn't want to be made to make the changes. I look at him and he is a different man. In a good way. We have both started working out and have really changed our eating habits. Red meat is a treat..Smoking is a no no...Drinking is in moderation..Some of these things have been hard and I mean really hard. I want to do everything to keep him alive and well and I am doing everything he is doing except for taking meds. I deal with stress differently than he does. I have always been one to talk, scream, yell or whatever it took to get his attention and I now am like a mother looking after her child. I really miss what we had and am looking forward to the day when they say he is really better. He still has bad days...really tired or sometimes he acts really sad. Not sure sometimes how to take the new Pnut! He is and will always be the love of my life but I feel myself being more cautious around him. I feel like I have to keep an eye on him. I don't want to lose him and I will do anything to keep him around. A heart attack is a vicious thing and I guess I am still a little bitter about it. I had been telling him for years things had to change and then this happens and he has to change.
No matter what life throws you you can sit and dwell in the sadness or give up or fight like hell to beat it. We have chosen to beat it. We will not let this win! We are in this together and the lifestyle changes we are making are just going to insure that we are around for our grandkids!
We are 3 months since the heart attack and are planning a trip to Florida to see all our kids. Jake, Jeremy, Stephanie and the grandkids ..Tyler, Kaitlynn and hopefully Austin too. Life is too short to not take care of the important things and seeing these kids and being there for them is what is important to us. We will always be there for them ALL and continue to listen to the heart beat...
To be continued...more details about diet and exercise :)
The Day Our Lives Changed
Feb 2, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
continuing to listen Feb
Well we got on the road and headed North..When we got there it was late afternoon and he was having a good day...He was worried and a little upset that we hadn't gotten there sooner. He thought we had forgotten about him. LOL It was cute but we just had to get everything in order to go up because I knew or I thought we would be there for a few days. This was only Thursday and it felt like a lifetime! He had found out that day that he was going to have to go in for more surgery on Friday. He had 3 more valves that were partially blocked. So Jake and I hung in there for the evening until the family (My Mom and Dad, my brother Stacy, Paige, Stevie, Ava and Arica) all came up! We all gathered together as a family and hung around that night until we felt we were keeping him from resting! I knew he was good hands because this hospital was amazing and he had a nurse parked outside his door 24/7.
We headed back over the next morning early. He was waiting on the call to go to surgery, so no food. Which made him a little ill. All the family returned for a visit. One of our friends who lived in the area showed up to take Jake out for a bit..Jeremy and Stephanie were in route from Florida. It was all a little surreal. We didn't want Pnut to be upset and he was so easily tired. So I told Jeremy they should wait..it was such a long drive and I didn't think this was reunion time. It is hard to be put in circumstances like this. I had anger, sadness, confusion and overall anxiety about the entire situation. Finally, he got the call to go back to surgery. The family left as there was nothing else they could do. Jake, Me, Paige and Stevie stayed and waited...Oh the waiting is the worse.. I really felt like I was in a dream world. The one person in the world I had always talked to about Everything was not there...he was in surgery...for a heart attack! I was lost! Surgery lasted about 2 hours and we were able to see him! The doctor came in and said everything had gone super and if he did well thru the night he would go home. Amazing is all I could think. After almost dying and I mean he was about as close as you could get to leaving me he was Going Home!
So the next morning, I head back to the hospital and wait for the word. And yep..we got it...he was going home! Paige and Stevie headed to our house to get the dogs taken care of and she did some light house cleaning (love her for this) and Jake and I waited to get him loaded up!
Everyday since has been an adventure. Jake stayed with us for the entire week. He wanted to be there if I needed anything. While I ran errands or whatever he stayed with his Dad.
On Wednesday..One week since the heart attack we went to State College to do some light walking and Pnut did great! It still amazes me and I am so greatful for the doctors and facilities. We were truly blessed to be where we were!
Jake went home on the following Sunday..he was really missed by both of us. We got used to having him around and it was great. But it was time for us to get back to life and trying to figure out our life changes. We had to make some and make them stick. We had already begun a new diet...prolly one reason Jake was glad to go home. LOL
We headed back over the next morning early. He was waiting on the call to go to surgery, so no food. Which made him a little ill. All the family returned for a visit. One of our friends who lived in the area showed up to take Jake out for a bit..Jeremy and Stephanie were in route from Florida. It was all a little surreal. We didn't want Pnut to be upset and he was so easily tired. So I told Jeremy they should wait..it was such a long drive and I didn't think this was reunion time. It is hard to be put in circumstances like this. I had anger, sadness, confusion and overall anxiety about the entire situation. Finally, he got the call to go back to surgery. The family left as there was nothing else they could do. Jake, Me, Paige and Stevie stayed and waited...Oh the waiting is the worse.. I really felt like I was in a dream world. The one person in the world I had always talked to about Everything was not there...he was in surgery...for a heart attack! I was lost! Surgery lasted about 2 hours and we were able to see him! The doctor came in and said everything had gone super and if he did well thru the night he would go home. Amazing is all I could think. After almost dying and I mean he was about as close as you could get to leaving me he was Going Home!
So the next morning, I head back to the hospital and wait for the word. And yep..we got it...he was going home! Paige and Stevie headed to our house to get the dogs taken care of and she did some light house cleaning (love her for this) and Jake and I waited to get him loaded up!
Everyday since has been an adventure. Jake stayed with us for the entire week. He wanted to be there if I needed anything. While I ran errands or whatever he stayed with his Dad.
On Wednesday..One week since the heart attack we went to State College to do some light walking and Pnut did great! It still amazes me and I am so greatful for the doctors and facilities. We were truly blessed to be where we were!
Jake went home on the following Sunday..he was really missed by both of us. We got used to having him around and it was great. But it was time for us to get back to life and trying to figure out our life changes. We had to make some and make them stick. We had already begun a new diet...prolly one reason Jake was glad to go home. LOL
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Listening
Part II Feb 2..Continued
When I arrived at Lewistown Hospital..he was still alive but barely breathing and hanging literally on for dear life. He was being prepped to be transferred to Geisinger in Danville, PA. He asked why they didn't take him by ambulance and was told he wouldn't make it. He got the helicopter ride "of a lifetime." So now as I stand and watch this helicopter fly away...I wonder what the heck am I gonna do??? I had made a few phone calls..to my core people. We all have them and we know who they are but it is hard to make the call cause it felt like I was dreaming. But, I called my sister Paige who was on her way up and told her to come get me. I was going home to check on my dogs and pack a bag. The hospital was 2 hours away! I took a deep breath and kind've relaxed. I wasn't sure what was to become of all of this and whether or not I would ever see him again or not. It was strange. I was scared but numb all at the same time. Facing death is really strange. And I guess I really wasn't sure if I was or not...I knew it was bad but I just didn't know how bad. So anyway, she and Stevie (her friend) came to get me and we headed to Danville. The roads were terrible. Ice, rain and snow..all I wanted to do was wakeup from what I was feeling. But we made it and he was there. He had already gone through surgery and had had 3 stents put in. He was extremely tired but optimistic. They did an emergency catherization and put the stents in. He wasn't really sure what was next and we didn't realize how serious everything was. It was definitely looking better though. Our son Jake was in route to be here. He lives in Florida and had got the 1st plane out. I was worried about him too. But he made it to Philly where a friend of ours picked him up. I went to my sisters house for the night and met Jake there. He got in about 3 in the morning. He and I sat up and talked till prolly 4am. We slept for about 1 1/2 hours and then got ready to head back to the hospital. It still felt very strange to me to be going to the hospital. I was still dealing with the unrealistic aspect of it. But I got ready, put on my big girl panties and made my way north to see the man I had been in love with for 29 years. He had been my world and I was afraid I would never hear his heart beat again. Sometimes when things are bad and I mean really bad, we all need to stop and listen, really listen cause only then can we really hear...what is really important...a heart beat.....
When I arrived at Lewistown Hospital..he was still alive but barely breathing and hanging literally on for dear life. He was being prepped to be transferred to Geisinger in Danville, PA. He asked why they didn't take him by ambulance and was told he wouldn't make it. He got the helicopter ride "of a lifetime." So now as I stand and watch this helicopter fly away...I wonder what the heck am I gonna do??? I had made a few phone calls..to my core people. We all have them and we know who they are but it is hard to make the call cause it felt like I was dreaming. But, I called my sister Paige who was on her way up and told her to come get me. I was going home to check on my dogs and pack a bag. The hospital was 2 hours away! I took a deep breath and kind've relaxed. I wasn't sure what was to become of all of this and whether or not I would ever see him again or not. It was strange. I was scared but numb all at the same time. Facing death is really strange. And I guess I really wasn't sure if I was or not...I knew it was bad but I just didn't know how bad. So anyway, she and Stevie (her friend) came to get me and we headed to Danville. The roads were terrible. Ice, rain and snow..all I wanted to do was wakeup from what I was feeling. But we made it and he was there. He had already gone through surgery and had had 3 stents put in. He was extremely tired but optimistic. They did an emergency catherization and put the stents in. He wasn't really sure what was next and we didn't realize how serious everything was. It was definitely looking better though. Our son Jake was in route to be here. He lives in Florida and had got the 1st plane out. I was worried about him too. But he made it to Philly where a friend of ours picked him up. I went to my sisters house for the night and met Jake there. He got in about 3 in the morning. He and I sat up and talked till prolly 4am. We slept for about 1 1/2 hours and then got ready to head back to the hospital. It still felt very strange to me to be going to the hospital. I was still dealing with the unrealistic aspect of it. But I got ready, put on my big girl panties and made my way north to see the man I had been in love with for 29 years. He had been my world and I was afraid I would never hear his heart beat again. Sometimes when things are bad and I mean really bad, we all need to stop and listen, really listen cause only then can we really hear...what is really important...a heart beat.....
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Beginning Feb 2, 2011
Just when you think everything about your life is great and it will never change...well it does. Wednesday February 2, 2011 was like every other cold, icy day in Belleville, PA. We had heavy ice and frigid temps. As always my husband Pnut and I would get up and make a cup of coffee and head outside to let our 2 dogs take a little run. Mind you, we were lighting up cigarettes as we hit the door! Both of us smoked, partied on the weekends like it was 1999 and never thought about doing anything different except maybe one day to stop smoking. We talked about it and even tried a few times but never followed through. Both of us happy people with lots of friends. We enjoy camping, racing, fishing and anything outdoors. AND we are not old. I am 50 and he is 53.
So our day is like any other freezing day...he stayed home from work because of all the ice so we just hang out. Watch some TV and around 2:30 I tell him it is time to get our butts in shape! Let's work out. So we get ready and decide to do Tony Horton's P90X! I had done this workout before and had seen great results. He had been working on the bowflex for about 2 weeks prior to this and wasn't seeing great results but was still optimistic. So 3pm rolls around and we start Day 1 Chest and Back. After about 30 minutes in, Pnut starts having some shortness of breath. He is walking back and forth to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I asked "are you ok?" He said "I worked a muscle I have never worked I guess, and I can't catch my breath." He is rubbing the part of the shoulder where your rotator cuff is so I am assuming he just pulled something. But it continues...he has no pain but can't breathe and the tightness is intensified! I finally asked "do I need to call 911?" He said "yes!" So I call and the beginning of our new lives begins...From this day forward we listen to his heart beat...To be continued :)
So our day is like any other freezing day...he stayed home from work because of all the ice so we just hang out. Watch some TV and around 2:30 I tell him it is time to get our butts in shape! Let's work out. So we get ready and decide to do Tony Horton's P90X! I had done this workout before and had seen great results. He had been working on the bowflex for about 2 weeks prior to this and wasn't seeing great results but was still optimistic. So 3pm rolls around and we start Day 1 Chest and Back. After about 30 minutes in, Pnut starts having some shortness of breath. He is walking back and forth to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I asked "are you ok?" He said "I worked a muscle I have never worked I guess, and I can't catch my breath." He is rubbing the part of the shoulder where your rotator cuff is so I am assuming he just pulled something. But it continues...he has no pain but can't breathe and the tightness is intensified! I finally asked "do I need to call 911?" He said "yes!" So I call and the beginning of our new lives begins...From this day forward we listen to his heart beat...To be continued :)
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